Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
false alarm. still invincible.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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