In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
