I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
