before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just found puke in my bra..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
