You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
