i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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