:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
