I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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