You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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