So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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