Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
