It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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