the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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