Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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