I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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