Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
