I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
