hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
ttyl tear gas
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
