she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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