I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
