Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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