I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Houston, we have a squirter
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
