My brain says no but my pants say off.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My underwear smells like fireworks.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
