Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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