I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
