Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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