please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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