Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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