Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
