I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
