$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
