Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
