In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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