This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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