So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
