dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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