Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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