Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
