i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
