and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
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When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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