....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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