Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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