I'm jealous of your bromance
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
