Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
