I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
someone owes me an orgasm
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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