one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I love you.
Bad choice
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