There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
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Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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