I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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