Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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