dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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