How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I checked into jail on foursquare
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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