Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
