i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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