i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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