Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
