Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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