He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
