I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
