I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
