some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
