He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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