we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
