I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
operation have a gay friend backfired
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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