So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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