New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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