Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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