Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
