The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
