You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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