you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
