So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
