i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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