Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
