at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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