I think my vagina is haunted
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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