there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
