You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
