Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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